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Kirk Lazarus
Kirk Lazarus is portrayed by Robert Downey, Jr.. Biography Kirk Lazarus is an Australian method actor and the star of the film series Satan's Alley alongside Tobey Maguire, playing Father O'Malley and won the Crying Monkey award in the Beijing Film Festival. He also took part in a film about Neil Armstrong and was so caught up in his character that he tried to re-enter the earth's atmosphere with a refridgerator in Burbank, CA. Lazarus also supposedly had an affair with Jennifer Love Hewitt, as the Tabloids magazine conjectured. He was known to rival Tugg Speedman for the title of highest-grossing film star of all time, and both would later be stars in the movie Tropic Blunder. Lazarus, along with Speedman, Fatties: Fart Two star Jeff Portnoy, rapper Alpa Chino, and rookie actor Kevin Sandusky, were selected to take part in the movie Tropic Thunder, which was based off the book by John "Four Leaf" Tayback that was written in 1969. Lazarus went through a controversial surgery that changed his skin color to black in order to portray the African-American Sgt. Lincoln Osiris, who was the second-in-command of Sgt. Four Leaf Tayback's squad. Lazarus had to try and speak with a Black-English accent, using slang words and foul-mouth language in order to fit into his character. The scene was messed up when Speedman told the crew to cut, and Lazarus went to the restroom while an expensive payload of napalm was dropped in the background. This destroyed the film, which was postponed for another month. Unbeknownst to Lazarus, the director Damien Cockburn agreed with the real Four-Leaf to send them into "the real shit" in the Golden Triangle in Vietnam, Laos, and Myanmar. In other words, they were just five actors with guns that fired blanks in the middle of a hostile environment with several men wanting to actually kill them. They were landed in a clearing in the middle of a jungle by a helicopter, and Cockburn told them that they would make the best war movie ever, with cameras hidden in the treeline to capture all of the action. He gave Speedman the scene book, which they would follow. They would have to walk to their destinations manually, so that they would feel what it was like to be a soldier in 1969. The plan went awry when Cockburn stepped on an old French landmine, killing him. Speedman reassured the cast, playing with the dismembered head and telling them that it was a prop. In the meantime, Speedman told the cast to begin the movie, reenacting the script. They were ambushed by the "Viet Cong", and fought them off using their blanks and fake grenades. Lazarus began to doubt that the stunts were fictional, such as Cockburn's death and the actual bullets flying at them. Nevertheless, Speedman was convinced that it is all part of the movie and that it is all fake. Speedman led them to the Dang Quok River to continue the movie, but the other cast members wanted to escape the jungle and get back home. Lazarus stole the map that Speedman had, and remained with the others, while Speedman continued the movie himself. They trekked to their escape point, but en route, they saw a large heroin-processing plant. Sandusky informed everybody that they were not even in Vietnam anyomore, but in Laos or Myanmar. They set up camp on the ridge overlooking the base, where Sandusky found out that Speedman was held and tortured; he was captured by the drug leaders. They planned to enter the base using the plot of the book Tropic Thunder, with Lazarus dressing up as a heroin farmer and distracting Tran and his men while the others snuck in through the river. s akimbo at the drug lords.]] Speaking Mandarin (which he had learned while filming a movie in China), Lazarus brought in Portnoy on top of a Water Buffalo and told Tran that he found him in his farm at night. However, Tran noticed how he said that he grew plants at night, how he said that he had also farmed poppy fields, and how he did not tell him where his farm was. However, when Lazarus noticed that the drug dealers were getting suspicious, he fired his two AR-15s' blanks all over the thugs, telling them that he "farmed lead, motherfuckers!". Lazarus found Speedman in a hut after fighting the goons, and tried to get him to come wwith him. However, Speedman was convinced that this was his home, telling him that he had a son and that Lazarus did not know who he was. Lazarus soon became poisoned, and collapsed, tearing his fake hair off and remembering that he was not Osiris or O'Malley, and that he did not know who he was. Lazarus was awakened by Sandusky, who told him that he remembered all of his monologues in movies, which reconvinced Lazarus to join them. Speedman was still disenchanted, so Sandusky forced him to come out. They all fought their way to the chopper, piloted by the demolitions expert and pyromaniac Cody McBride, and finally convinced Speedman to come with them after the thugs tried to kill him as well. They made it to the helicopter and were flown back to the US. The footage covered by the cameras was later turned into Tropic Blunder, the "greatest fake true war-story ever made". It won the Oscar nominations over Satan's Alley and a John Voight movie, with Speedman as the best actor, saving his career. Lazarus presented the Oscar award to Speedman himself at the ceremony. Category:Characters Category:Actors